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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college to use the facilities during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager following a short conversation within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|